Motives
by dem bones
Summary: An in-depth look at Petunia's life and the Dursleys as they raise Harry and Dudley.


Title: Motives

Author: dem bones

Genres: General/Family

Summary: An in depth look of Petunia's life and the Dursleys as they raise Harry and Dudley.

Warnings: Mentions Child Abuse.

A/N: Inspired by a pm I received by anotherboarduser. It certainly provided me with enough unanswered questions to write this. This is my headcanon for the Dursleys. Written for Pairing Diversity Boot Camp prompt 32: dangerous and HeadCanon Boot Camp prompt 31: Winnow

~HP~

The Dursleys were a decent family, one also might say they were a normal family. Though they weren't very experienced parents both prided themselves in what they could do.

While Vernon had considered himself a prideful man though, Petunia was a relatively harsh woman by nature. Her family was really quite austere and in her world it was quite normal to be raised in such a polite nature unaware of the world's wrong doing.

Oblivious to the world's faults, Petunia had uncovered a wrought emotion when her sister was discovered to be special. Suddenly just having a sister to interact with wasn't enough. She had began feeling horrid, distasteful emotions.

There was jealousy, spite and hatred. Before that point in her life, everything had been fine. Her parents were a happy couple and she had been quite happy with Lily.

Living that lie after Lily had gone to Hogwarts though was impossible as Petunia couldn't handle this vulgar feeling of hatred that spewed.

She had tried conversing with her parents about it. Her parents hadn't known how to deal with the chaos they were so used to living in utter perfection oblivious to the reality of the real world.

Before they moved they had lived in that luxurious house in the country, she was happy there. When her father had to acquired a new job they had to move from there to that wretched place with all of those steel mills. It smelt horrible.

Living in Cokesworth that wretched town, had felt dirty and she knew discussing it would have been useless as her parents intended on avoiding discussing anything that might have been too painful.

It was only a matter of time though when the issue had been forced into the light.

That was when the arguing occurred. While Lily was at school with that wretched boy from next door she had to hear her parents arguing.

The very fabric of her perfect family life had been shattered. Her father would come by after work and during that time her mother had grown stressed with keeping the house in shape.

Her mother had always been a neat freak and demanded perfection out of them. Both of them always favoured Lily.

With the stress of work, her mother was very prone to irritability and anger and often would compare her with Lily.

School was hardly a decent escape from the trials of her family life. Both of her parents demanded absolute perfection and Petunia found that she was just barely getting by in school.

"WHAT IS THIS?"

Her mother had received her report card that showed her terrible scores. From any other person's eyes they would have been average but her mother had high standards and always expected good grades from both of her daughters.

"Why do I have such a useless daughter? Why couldn't you act more like Lily? You should be grateful that we even have a place to live." She uttered one time.

Her father had been coming home that day and stepped in the room looking furious.

"Don't snap at her. It isn't her fault you have to moan and groan every time stuff gets to you."

"She'll never get a job at the rate she's going. She's barely passed her exams."

Naturally there was a thirst to prove them wrong, but eventually the efforts went in smoke and Petunia did the only thing she could...blame Lily.

Every day, when her mother wasn't insulting here she had her do chores. Much to Petunia's dismay, it eventually became too much for their mother who had fallen ill from a mental breakdown.

At first she was sweet.

"Petunia, can you please clean the house for your mother. You want me to be happy don't you. If you want to see me happy get it done before your father gets back.

Petunia of course held a distaste for cleaning and often made excuses, 'I'll do it in a minute.' or 'Hold on a minute.'

Eventually her mother had caught hold on what was really going on and that's when the yelling had began and she began threatening to tell her father all about her laziness.

It was when her mother began to recover that she often demanded that Petunia clean the house. In it's neglected shape, Petunia found it was quite hard to do.

Everything in the house was dust infested and there were cobwebs on the ceiling housing a multitude of Daddy Longlegs.

A spider had crawled on her and it had frightened her out of her wits.

Petunia was frightened and looked towards her mum for support.

"What's the matter with you? You're supposed to take the broom outside no wonder that spider crawled on you."

Helplessly Petunia looked at her own mother with betrayal. Did she not care that her daughter had been frightened by a spider because she had cleaned the house for her lazy mother?

From that point on, her distaste for her mother had grown more prominent and Petunia had grew defiant.

"I'm not stupid, you bloody chit. I don't have to prove myself to you. I'm a better woman than you will ever be."

Her mother's eyes contorted in fury and before she knew it, Petunia was smacked across her face but she didn't care. She knew from the beginning that her mother had developed a distaste for her.

Petunia snorted from that point on she had grudgingly done the cleaning though only the times in which her mother had forced her. During this time, her mother often taunted her putting out some tasks that had been less than tasteful and Petunia began developing a deep fear with dust. The feel of it between her fingers made her feel disgusted and shameful as if it would overcome her like a bloodthirsty creature pouncing on it's prey.

Eventually her parents divorced and Lily had come home to sunshine and rainbows. Her mum was nicer when Lily had come home as though nothing had happened.

She just smiled when Lily had asked about them.

"We just had a disagreement with each other. Relationships aren't always meant to me like in Fairy Tales."

Petunia gritted her teeth.

"Oh." Lily said.

Eventually Petunia took responsibility in telling her sister what happened but it fell on deaf ears.

"So how'd it go at Hogwarts? You hardly write here anymore." Petunia asked.

"I've been writing mum and dad letters. Didn't you read them?"

Petunia flushed.

"You're not still holding a grudge because I attend Hogwarts and you can't." Lily accused, voice laced with suspicion.

"How could you think that? How self absorbed can you be? I've been staying here doing what any good daughter would do for her parents but that's not enough. They always fight and argue wondering why I'm not as good as my sister. I have to deal with that every day even when I'm attending school. You on the other hand stay at Hogwarts with those freaks and don't even come by unless it's Christmas or summertime." Petunia said. "It's your fault that this happened. If you never attended that school of freaks we would have been happy. Mum and Dad are divorced and I can hardly stand living here with mum now that dad is gone."

Lily looked at her sister in shock.

"It's not that bad."

The words irked Petunia. 'Not that bad, you'd clearly know...GOODY GOODY TWO SHOES.'

"How would you know?"

"It can't be that bad if mum is happy."

"What if you're wrong?"

"Petunia, what are you talking about?" Lily asked staring at her with wide innocent eyes.

"What if everything went wrong? What if everything was wrong?"

Lily looked a bit baffled by the question.

"You're being ridiculous. There's nothing wrong."

"Is that what you say to convince yourself that everything is alright so you don't have to think about it? What are you going to accomplish by running away from the truth?"

Lily flushed, looking very hurt.

"You're daft if you think for a second that you can continue living in your fantasy world. The world isn't so black and white as you might think. You're naïve if you think it will cater to your desires." Petunia said.

"How can you be so cruel?" Lily snapped furiously.

"Cruel? How do you think I've felt living with mum and dad after all these years while you attended that despicable school?"

Lily flushed.

"When I'm finished with school, I'm moving out. Don't even bother trying to visit me. I never want to see you again. You're not my sister."

After Petunia had finished school, it was to her hard earned pleasure that her friend got her referred to some office work in Surrey, where she met her husband.

Vernon at the time had been a superb gentlemen and Petunia quite liked him. He was the kind of man that any woman with any social standing would simply find charming.

Petunia had invited Lily to visit months after her attempts at patching things up.

It was disastrous, James and Lily's lives were surrounded by magic and Petunia didn't want any part of it. Didn't Lily understand, that world that she didn't need to dwell in that fantasy world to be happy?

She didn't want any part of it after hearing about their parent's deaths instigated by the fact that You-Know-Who the famed dark lord sought it fit to declare war on wizarding folk. If Lily hadn't joined the wizarding world it wouldn't have involved them at all but Lily didn't think about that. She never did.

When the two had their son though Petunia found it was a refreshing life changing experience and with it came it's trials.

Around the same time she had Dudley, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall had dropped by her home. There was a baby in the elder woman's arms holding a tuft that could only be Lily's son.

Both had explained Lily's death and one might think Petunia was undeterred by the information but with her death came unspoken feelings which arose from within her. There was regrets that she had parted with her sister on such a bitter note. This world that Lily had immersed herself in had caused her own demise.

'What would you think about that now?' She had thought snorting at the thought that Lily had been so immersed in her own fantasy world trying to convince herself that Petunia had been acting out of jealousy and not on her younger sister's safety. It filled her with such disgust remembering her sister believing that people who were nice always happened to have her best interests at heart. Petunia had come to the realisation that Lily hadn't exactly liked her either and at most tolerated her and with that came the conclusion that it was probably the reason she hadn't bothered listening.

Prior to marrying Vernon, Petunia had been dating Peter Pettigrew at the time and Lily had sent him a letter about concerning her first pregnancy. Peter had told her that Lily was expecting a girl at the time.

In the letter though Lily had voiced about Petunia's distaste for her. It was later that Peter had informed her of Lily's miscarriage. Not long after that Peter had broke up with her not wanting to endanger her at the hands of war. Lily didn't even consider how much danger she'd be in though...not at all. She wondered if her sister even had decent brain cells in her mind.

Did she have such pride that she wouldn't even listen to her even though her advice could have saved her sister's life?

By the end of Dumbledore's discussion, Petunia found herself grudgingly taking on her nephew.

HP

As both Dudley and Harry had grown older, Vernon and Petunia had taken care of them the best they could. Both were tended to in cribs.

Whenever Dudley cried, Petunia tended to him but he often took precedence when Harry cried. She had told Vernon to console him when she was busy with Dudley.

Vernon took him in his arms with no ill intent. The baby in his arms was innocent though it caused Petunia no end of grief, he told himself.

With all that, Harry and Dudley eventually progressed to the stage of the terrible twos. Dudley would often find himself stealing food from the refrigerator and getting scoldings from Petunia but the worse of it by far was whenever Harry threw his tantrums.

Whenever the message wasn't clearly understood with it came uncontrollable magic which Harry had used to retrieve the thing he desired whenever Vernon and Petunia did not understand what he was trying to say.

As both Vernon and Petunia were beginner parents often times they found themselves unsure what to do about the situation at times. Both Dudley and Harry had been punished by standing in the corner, nose against the wall.

When the two had got older, both had been locked in their room. Eventually however both Dudley and Harry had managed to sneak out from their room and both had caused quite a ruckus in the kitchen getting into food.

It was at this point in which Dudley found that blaming Harry meant being relinquished from his punishment. Eventually the Dursleys had uncovered how he had unlocked the door to his room upstairs and moved him in the kitchen cupboard to keep a better eye on him.

With uncovering this information, Dudley found that lying became a habit and his parents littered him with praise getting him presents every Christmas. Both the Dursleys preferred giving him birthday presents over buying Harry any. None of them thought Harry was worth it.

Dudley had eventually developed into someone very cruel as he often stole Harry's things in fit of jealousy and destroyed them in fits of anger. The two fought and Dudley often claimed that Harry stole his toys.

The room under the stairs was quite large enough to fit a bed on the corner and a small bedside table which held a lamp.

It had several shelves in which Harry held what little toys he had. The room though was in disarray as though it had been intended on being used for something else.

Harry had found it quite fun to be in this dark place and loved the company of the spiders. He often caught the Daddy Longlegs he found in jars.

When Harry had finally been old enough to attend school, it had been rather disastrous. The two boys had been somewhat amiable before that point and then suddenly school became an issue.

Dudley had felt very shameful of Harry's presence and gathered a group of friends which made Harry's life miserable. It had become his favourite pastime to pick on Harry after he and his friends were walking home from school.

One of those times, he had discovered Harry on the ceiling and proceeded to tell the teachers.

His parents had been quite angry with Harry after that. Anyone with any decency didn't even bother intervening because it was quite common to receive scoldings from parents for a number of things. Dudley himself had often got his share of scolding himself among the years.

Vernon and Petunia often dished out punishment by making Harry stay in his cupboard without a meal for the day. Still Harry had found ways to get his fill of food when they had went to bed and he wasn't the only one who had the habit of sneaking food as Dudley did the same thing though he was careful not to be spotted by Dudley. The tape on his glasses was a very huge reminder on what would happen if he wasn't cautious.

It was Dudley's hobby to punch Harry right between the glasses. Harry couldn't even count the amount of nose bleeds he had received from his cousin.

With the start of school, Petunia had given them both chores but Dudley had quickly found a loophole out of it. He found that threatening Harry often worked wonders in having him do his own chores for him.

The first time Harry mentioned magic though was when Petunia became furious. It seemed Harry had quite an imagination and curiosity according to his teachers. This curiosity brought forth an overwrought imagination and unwelcome questions.

At these times, Petunia was reminded of her sister's stubbornness and found herself easily annoyed and irritated at the boy's persistent stubbornness undermining her authority.

Did he not see how much effort Petunia had exhausted in him with his insistence on learning more due to his curiosity?

Often times she found herself just as angry with Harry due to his incompetence and often lashed out verbally.

Harry had grown tired of it and lashed out however it was because this act had made her upset and the fact that he caught wind of it that he often suppressed it. Often times it would be unleashed in a huge fury of emotion and magic.

Petunia and Vernon had expressed worry over it and Petunia had wanted them to go to therapy.

It was fine at first but anger had got the best of him. Verbal abuse had been a common thing and Harry had been use to snapping back whenever it felt as if the two were attacking him directly.

The therapy session eventually stopped and the Dursleys had dropped their reins in defeat. Nothing changed except the insults which had grown worse.

Eventually Harry became the one the Dursleys solely relied upon to do the chores. Harry found eventually that leaving the house was a safer option though when Dudley came home and found it a past time to bully his cousin.

HP

During the summer of 1989 was when the Dursleys received Harry's first Hogwarts letter. Petunia discussed little about that school but one thing she was upfront about was the fact that her sister had died at the hands of that headmaster.

If Lily hadn't been accepted to that school, if Dumbledore hadn't insisted on her hiding in some unplottable area just to escape from those death eaters...none of that would have happened.

It was inevitable that Harry would uncover the letter after they tried so hard to keep it a secret from their nephew.

Petunia had told Vernon about the motel in Cokesworth and the two hid there until Dumbledore's letters arrived.

Vernon had recently talked to a gentleman about a shack on an island and asked about lending a boat.

The Dursleys had stayed in that shack until that giant had appeared at their home. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia cowered both frightened by the size of him.

Hagrid had told Harry all about his parents and Hogwarts.

Harry flushed in anger looking at Petunia like Lily once looked at her. As if he couldn't believe that the Dursleys had kept the bit about his parents to themselves and should have been told about it.

With much insistence Vernon expressed quite angrily his opinion on the matter.

Of course Hagrid saw it fit to put him in his place but not before Vernon continued on how they had been raising Harry so that he wouldn't have to be involved in any magical affairs.

Petunia snapped, blabbing on about how Lily had gone off to Hogwarts, how she was a freak and how her mother and father had been proud of her. It all came out in anger.

As Petunia said that however she didn't voice her feeling about the wizarding world having taken her sister away from her? The utter sadness in having her sister die due to her attending that school.

Telling her side of the story was such a thing was worthless in her eyes, as these witches and wizards preyed on weakness. If they could fool Lily into thinking everything was full of clouds and rainbows they could definitely full her son. They were high strung and arrogant looking down on them because they felt they were superior.

She felt weak in their hands.

Hagrid continued telling Harry about the wizarding world before they all went to bed.

After Harry had gone to sleep, Petunia had woken Vernon and asked him to accompany her to see Hagrid.

"You're not planning on talking to that man are you?" Vernon asked.

Petunia turned glaring sternly at him.

In the living room, he was sleeping on the sofa. His legs were dangling off the edge of the couch.

Petunia shook the giant awake.

"What is it, Dursley?" He huffed.

"What is Dumbledore trying to accomplish extending an invitation for my nephew to attend that school?" She snapped.

"He's simply offered Harry the right to make his decision regarding his education."

"That isn't his decision to make. In case he's felt that he hasn't made it clear we are his legal guardians." She hissed. "I will not allow him to make the decision for us."

"Dumbledore told me to tell ya that eventually 'arry will be in danger and he intends of him learning, gathering his own strength. He says it's only a matter of time before You-know-who returns and he'll no longer be safe."

"I thought as long as he lives with us, he is protected from that person.'

"Eventually the protection will wear off and what good would he be to ye if he can't defend himself against him. Ye didn't even want the Order staying nearby to guard the boy while Bellatrix and Barty Crouch were put on trial."

Petunia snorted.

"I didn't want the neighbors giving us strange looks. That's all they need to see. A wizard in our company." She whispered. "If you are going to take my sister's son to Hogwarts against our will than I at least want to see what he's getting himself into."

Hagrid dug into his pockets for Harry's letter and handed it to Petunia.

The papers in her hands covered everything from supplies for school to safety issues and preparation should there be any form of an emergency.

"I see the school has changed since a lot since Lily attended. I could only hope that is a good thing."

"So he can attend then?"

"I accept..." She muttered begrudgingly.

HP

Over the next sequence of years though, Vernon and Petunia slowly began to realise something with the start of the second wizarding war.

Everything was real, the dangers Harry was getting in were real and both had never felt so useless.

Vernon was prone to drinking from the stress. He felt utterly useless not even able to protect his family. At that time, Vernon had began beating on Harry.

"You worthless piece of crap. What are we supposed to do when you're gone? How dare you act so ungrateful. You encroach on our home and we're supposed to accept that while you endanger our family's lives?"

Vernon was often prone to these lapses in anger. He had been angry and he didn't think he could forgive the boy.

After Harry had went to Hogwarts for his fifth year, Vernon had still been angry. He was prone to getting angry rather quickly and his anger was often slow to cool.

When Dudley had recovered weeks after he was sent to the hospital because of that boy however Vernon began to notice some changes in his son.

Dudley no longer came home with his two friends and the local boy who became victim to their bullying. Piers still dropped by but Dudley was also friends with the boy next door. Vernon had detested the boy, he thought Dudley did as well.

It was strange.

Vernon had asked him about it one day.

"I don't know it came to me that time I was around Harry. There was the force in the air and I felt as though I couldn't breathe as though I was paralysed with fear. You and mum died and Harry was dead and there was a ghastly figure standing on his body laughing, taunting me but I couldn't even move. I was thinking what must it feel for those people being bullied do they feel so weak and powerless like I did at the time." Dudley explained. "Then I asked myself what would I feel like if I was in their shoes and I thought of what would make me feel more powerful like I had control of the situation and I remembered how I always was with my friends and figured that it would be very nice if someone who found themselves in a similar situation had support. I thought of the idea after Harry rescued me. I hope you won't be too mean to him."

Vernon sighed.

"He's endangered this family. The longer he's here the more danger we're in."

"What about Harry? How do you think he feels being trapped here? It's not as though anyone could take him in? You and mum are always so mean to him."

"Yes." Petunia agreed.

Dudley turned and saw that she had come home from the store.

"Then again we weren't exactly good parents with how you both turned out. It's no coincidence that my son is a bully and my nephew is fulfilling his destiny as a hero to the wizarding world." Petunia said. "We never were experienced parents and it's never become easier raising you kids."

Dudley realised that she was right even her treatment of him, thinking back on it had been borderline negligent. He had been into drugs at a young age, often engaged in petty crime and got expelled from school. With this in his life he had always focused on the good things always tuning out the bad things always thinking if he had more good things he could be happy.

Both his parents though had never really been good at showing him affection because Dudley didn't crave for affection, he wanted gifts.

"I think you're doing a good job, mum." He said, because mum had certainly tried her best though her efforts may have been flawed. Dad had tried very hard too. He was proud of them both.


End file.
